Thought this was awful funny, and so true in lots of ways!
This is oh so TRUE....
If you are going to
be the woman on the ranch, here are the top 10 "facts" you need to
know!
1. Always load your
horse last in the trailer so it is the first one unloaded. By the time
he's got his horse unloaded, you will have your cinch pulled and
be mounted up ready to go - lessening the chance of him riding
off without you with your horse trying to follow while you are
still trying to get your foot in the stirrup.
2. Never - and I
repeat never - ever believe the phrase "We'll be right back,"
when he has asked you to help him do something out on the ranch. The echoing
words, "this will only take a little while" have filtered through
generations of ranch wives and still today should invoke sincere distrust in
the woman who hears them.
3. Always know there
is NO romantic intention when he pleadingly asks you to take a ride in the
pickup with him around the ranch while he checks waters and looks at cattle.
What that sweet request really means is he wants someone to open and close the
gates.
4. He will always
expect you to quickly be able to find one stray in a four-section brush-covered
pasture, but he will never be able to find the mayonnaise jar in four-square
feet of refrigerator.
5. Count every head
of everything you see - cattle especially, but sometimes horses,
deer, quail or whatever moves. Count it in the gate, out the gate or on the
horizon. The first time you don't count is when he will have expected that you
did. That blank eyelash-batting look you give him when he asks "How
many?" will not be acceptable.
6. Know that you will
never be able to ride a horse or drive a pickup to suit him. Given the choice
of jobs, choose throwing the feed off the back of the pickup. If he is on the
back and you are driving, the opportunity for constant criticism of speed,
ability and your eyesight will be utilized to the full extent. "How in the
*@*# could you NOT see that hole?"
7. Never let yourself
be on foot in the alley when he is sorting cattle horseback. When he has shoved
20 head of running, bucking, kicking yearlings at you and then hollers
"Hold 'em, hold 'em" at the top of his lungs, don't think that you
really can do it without loss of life or limb. Contrary to what he will lead
you to believe, walking back to the house is always an option that has been
used throughout time.
8. Don't expect him
to correctly close the snap-on tops on the plastic refrigerator containers, but
know he will expect you to always close every gate. His reasoning, the cows
will get out; the food will not.
9. Always praise him
when he helps in the kitchen - the very same way he does when you help with the
ranch work - or not.
10. Know that when
you step out of the house you move from the "wife" department to
"hired hand" status. Although the word "hired" indicates
there will be a paycheck that you will never see, rest assured you will have
job security. The price is just right. And most of the time you will be
"the best help he has" even if it is because you are the ONLY help he
has.
